Atonement?

This week was a special week for Jews all around the world. It started last weekend with the celebration of the new year that has just begun, and ended with Yom Kippur, the day of atonement and presumably the most sacred day for the Jewish people.

Here on campus we Jews made an effort to mention them both, the first with a feast and the second with a fast (alliteration, huh). This time of the year back in Israel is the most special, festive and exciting time of the year (to some, I guess). Although we (as secular, modern Jews) do not really abide to the traditional Jewish calendar and tradition anymore, some unique and significant feeling is attached to this time, apart from the massive amount of days-off-school we get so early in the year.

I had a lot of time to think during Yom Kippur, as I wasn’t really doing anything but slobbing around (and being a bit more grumpy than usual – damn, appreciate food consumption). I realized I do not really follow any traditional way of mentioning Yom Kippur. I used electricity, read a book and watched a movie, overslept and generally had a pretty alright time. We even cut down the fast a bit short (and didn’t really stress on correct starting time either) due to practical reasons. In short, I think we concluded that it was more about mentioning the day itself and the idea rather than practicing religion. In fact, I realized I don’t really know much about Judaism as a religion, but more as a tradition and system of values. But wait, I don’t really know much about that either. Most of my knowledge of Jewish characteristics comes from a secularist point of view. Even the mandatory Torah classes back home were more of a literary and thematic analysis of the texts.

So what makes me Jewish? Why do I see myself so predominantly Jewish? Why does Yom Kippur such a special occasion for me?

I don’t really know. I think my Jewish identity has to do a lot more to the Zionist ethos and the land of Israel. That is why I find it hard to empathize with Jews that live in the Diaspora. I don’t see much in common between me and them. Whereas their identity is primarily religious, for they don’t live in a Jewish society and must preserve their identity by some extent of practice, my identity is derived from my surroundings and from the society I was up brought in.

Coming back to Yom Kippur, I find great wisdom in the principle that leads this day. First required is the forgiveness of your fellow human beings. Only after this is granted, the forgiveness of God can be pledged. I tend to ignore the second part of this argument, and focus on the first one, which invokes a caring and respectful social order.

I do observe, however, that this has been turned into a kind of mockery, prevalently by the youngsters. I recall a Yom Kippur in 7th or 8th grade, when one of the boys in my class wrote “I am sorry, for whatever I did to you” on a piece of paper, and ran around showing his brilliancy to as many people as possible. This could have a fairly profound value of regret, if he hadn’t had such lousy motives. This was not an act of reflection, as this concept is meant to provoke, but of pure stupidity.

I wonder how much of the ancient, great and deep wisdom of the Jewish tradition we are still capable to uphold these days.

Why Die (just because it rhymes..)

Nor dread nor hope attend
A dying animal;
A man awaits his end
Dreading and hoping all;
Many times he died,
Many times rose again.
A great man in his pride
Confronting murderous men
Casts derision upon
Suppression of breath;
He knows death to the bone-
Man has created death.

-Death by W.B Yeats

“I am ready to die. I await the end of all. In the silence of the moon or the bright of day. I could die right here and right now. I am idle, waiting to be taken. Not because I have sailed every sea. Nor have I saw every land. I am ready for I have reached the pinnacle. I touched my glazing peak.”


What is more meaningful? What is more profound? What is more valuable? Something that is only a one-time experience, a glimpse of existence with a distinct beginning and end, that is meant to occur once and only once, and when its time comes will abruptly halt and cease; or something that repeats itself over and over again, to and fro, an eternal set reoccurrences with no end or start?

What if after I die there won’t be anything. There will be a lot of nothingness. But I won’t be aware of all that. I’ll be lying happy six feet under. Or actually I won’t be happy. I’ll be nothing. I won’t be anything. I won’t be. Perhaps I’ll be remembered, but what would I care?

Maybe I’ll go into absolute bliss. It’s impossible to conceive this concept. When we live, we evaluate and value things upon negation. Something is good because the other is bad. A moral or emotional value can only be acquired in comparison to something that isn’t. That is the binary, the opposite or the negative. So when I die, I won’t have any sadness. Any sorrow, frustration, envy or anger. I won’t be happy, as in the opposite of sad. Some might see this situation as a logarithmic graph of joy. I’ll be joyful more and more every following moment, up to infinity. Like an everlasting orgasm. But this concept still has an implicit relativity in it. I can only feel joy if I know what lacking joy feels like. So a state of bliss can’t be a status of universal knowledge, but of absolute ignorance.


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After writing these last two posts I’ve reached a stunning conclusion. These issues are too profound and abstract for me to make a meaning out of and in the process interest anyone. I apologize if it sounds like bullshit; it definitely isn’t meant to be :)

Yesh/Ein.

Everything is merely binaries.

We can analyze everything that exists around us in matters of a division line. Of Yes and No, Black and White, Right or Wrong. Every question to be asked, every decision to be made, every argument between disputed parties, can all be settled upon a simple choice of sides.

It is mainly the question of presence and absence. Neutrality is out of the equation. It is a manipulative and bewildering term. Namely, the illusion of impartiality. The idea of an absolutely objective, disengaged, inclination-less nature is senseless. It is impossible. There must be either this or that. Grey is not a midpoint between black and white, but the presence of both. Everything around us it exactly like that as well. It falls into categories. Straight lines and broken ones. 1 or 0. Negative or positive. Complete and incomplete. Perfect and imperfect. Beautiful and ugly.

Yes, these distinctions very well may be subjective. But nevertheless they are binding. Something can be wrong in my point of view, and right in someone else’s (or vice versa), but relatively this terms are confining. It can’t be slightly wrong for me. Only fullness makes sense.

Sorry if this was complete bullshit :)

The Great Wheel

I live my life here and now, sailing the seas and traveling throughout the world. I observe many different things; I converse with many people and befriend some of them; I see, hear, learn, and live my life as it comes. Above all, I make choices. I constantly make choices. About everything, even the smallest of small.

Now consider this- all this lifetime that I’m active within, all the things I exercise, will reoccur. Their appearance will return on itself in the same exact way. A hundred percent match. It will not only repeat itself once, but many times. In fact, it will reoccur eternally. And already has. Birth-hour and death-hour are not merely two ends of a lifeline, but two marks on an endless circle. Our time is not linear. It is cyclical.

What this implies, is that the actions I take, the choices I make, are eternal. They shall repeat themselves forever and ever, enhancing their effect each and every time. Quite a heavy load for an ordinary pirate.

Does this mean my decisions are meaningless? That they are predetermined? Quite the contrary. The implication of every single choice is multiplied endlessly. I must be sure above all doubts that what I choose satisfies me. Otherwise my mistake will grow and grow to infinity. Only the certainty of accepting my decisions as absolutely right, will offer the true affirmation of life.

"Well, we’re all in the cosmic movie, you know that! That means the day you die, you gotta watch your whole life recurring eternally forever, in CinemaScope, 3-D. So you better have some good incidents happenin’ in there... and a fitting climax" – Jim Morrison

*Thanks to Friedrich Nietzsche and Milan Kundera for their kindness.